No Ordinary Family is kind of sexist

Dear No Ordinary Family,

I’ve tried to like you. I really have. You have the Commish and Darla and the sidekicks both have wonderful comedic talent and nail every line you make them spew and that one kid was in that movie Hostage with Bruce Willis and a TERRIFYING Ben Foster and that kid was so awesome in that movie so it stands to reason he’d be awesome on your show.

But No Ordinary Family you’re kind of unapologetically sexist and that urks the fool out of me. To the point that I need a new work–urk–to represent the level of ire you raise in me every time you have the guys save the day and the women folk faint or become victimized or whatever.

I chose this photo because it is straight up FAKE HAPPY. It's like the photo you find in a picture frame you buy at Dillards.

Yes. You have your moments of brilliance beyond a really good cast. That time Joshua first showed up and made a lady shoot herself. And that time he found the daughter and mind raped her until she forgot she had powers. And the dad from Seventh Heaven being super evil? Smart work on your part! And again, the comedy is usually pretty spot on.

But man you are more uneven then my chesticles and again, you’re hella sexist.

Remember that episode where you tried to make it about double standards and instead of saying they’re bad you just accepted they exist and had the men folk be awesome why the women folk were oh so uppity? Yeah that happened. It was like watching and episode of I Love Lucy with superpowers. Only it’s 2011 now and I kind of hoped we’d moved past the phase where it was okay for a 14 year old boy to date a 17 year old girl but not a 16 year old girl to date a 17 year old boy.

And what’s up with the mom on the show. You have Julie Benz. This is DARLA. She’s the baddest vampire to come about since the Master. Also she was that lady on Dexter or something. Julie Benz is pretty awesome. Only you waste her all the time. And sometimes you let her character have a go at being a superhero but she always, always, always fails and her husband, the Commish has to rescue her because he and his son are the only physically competent heroes on the show.

And while we’re here let’s discuss the son. One. He’s a twat. Straight up. He’s Wesley from Star Trek levels of annoying. Two: Yeah the twat factor is strong enough to be both one and two. Three. He is an amazing quarterback because his brain is so big? No. That is not how it works. Football is not mind over matter. It is mind and matter. He may be super smart, but those arms of his can’t throw a 90 yard pass just because he gets physics. And he can’t just look at a gut wound and diagnose infection. He is smart, he is not magic.

And this hair! What are you doing to this kid's hair? Super brain means helmet hair?

But at least he’s smarter then his sister. Why is she so idiotic? Why does she always get into trouble. Why do she, a 16 year old girl, ignore stranger danger rules to go off with a sweaty, nervous scary guy who clearly wanted to kill her? This is an especially important question because SHE CAN READ MINDS. You make her an idiot when it conveniences you and I don’t like that. It’s inconsistent.

And finally, the Commish. I love Michael Chiklis but it’s hard to love a character that is so sexist and chauvinistic. I really, intensely dislike it. We’re supposed to feel bad for him because his wife earns more money so he feels less manly. Instead of seriously addressing this issue and coming to a reasonable conclusion, like he finds the manly man in the stay at home dad or what not you give him superpowers and he gets confident and turns into a major dick.

What’s sad is despite the gender roles you insist on supporting (the mom/PHd/primary earner always makes the meals despite working the most) and the way you misuse smart actors and write potentially irritating characters in high inconsistent manners I will still watch your show. Because I’m pretty sure Darla just ran so fast this week that she ran into the future and that’s kind of hilarious.

No love or hugs or kisses,

Alexandra Hinton