Who’s That Girl? Fan Bing Bing!

Oh hey, sorry, were you saying something? I WAS BUSY COMPLETELY FALLING IN LOVE WITH FAN BING BING.

I was stalking all the latest Cannes photos and stumbled across La Bing (for so my heart has named her) and I was all “Internets, tell me MORE!” and I’m happy to now share that ‘more’ with you, so that we can sit in wonder of her person.

Apparently Bing Bing Fan rose to fame playing – from what I can gather – a shy maid on this TV show in Taiwan (ah Wikipedia. It was therein I also discovered that she is China’s Monica Belluci, which, WTF, right?). She was not the lead actress – but she stole the show! Love it! Also – I love the descriptions of this tv show. Shy maid, ha ha, what?

In typical pop cultural fashion she went on to release some albums – you’re welcome, America – and endure some public scrunity for possibly (deeefinitely) getting plastic surgery. (The fact that she has altered her appearance to look whiter is another conversation for another day – apparently she got a lot of shit for having round eyes and she WORKED that shit.)  But that’s where the similarity to American’s celebutantes ends.

Remember, as badass as China is, its way of life, its laws? Very different. Here, if a woman chooses to take her top off and gang bang some guys in a fictional portrayal we would all be like “Anne Hathaway! What a daring departure, I applaud you madame.” For Bing Bing Fan, playing the role of a woman who was violently raped was read by the government as being “promiscuous” (jigga whaaat?) and she and the other stars of her film, Lost in Beijing…WERE RE-EDUCATED! What does re-educated mean? Nothing good, I can tell you that.

So what does Bing Bing do after that? Does she play only modest ladies? NO. SHE STRIPS NUDE AND WRAPS HER BODY IN A JAPANESE FLAG.

Lady, I salute you. Please do not get hate crimed. If you need to flee China and move here, you can stay with me. I won’t touch you. I will make you eggs. I might stare at you unblinking while you sleep, but we’re good….we’re so good.