Oh man. So babies, right? I’m 28 years old and while I like children very, very much, I don’t plan on having any for a while (commenters queuing up to warn me of my eggs drying up and falling out while I’m grinding sexily up on some freak at the club, stay classy! ) because I would get bored, frustrated, and then try to sell them at Taco Bell. (commenters queuing up to tell me that child-selling is felonious and unfunny, agreed – but you  missed the Taco Bell part and Ima be real – anything that ever has happened at Taco Bell has a John Waters-esque level of grotesque humor to it. DEAL WITH I AM SELLING.) But there are certain baby-themed images that betray my biology.

Take for example….THIS:

can't. even. function. taco. bell.

That’s Posh and Becks canoodling with baby Harper! Like Harper Lee! David Beckham I do not even find you that good looking because of your high pitched voice, but OMG DUDE!

That sound you just heard? That was my ovaries squealing while simultaneously painting a nursery and taking prenatal yoga.


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