Rizzoli & Isles Aren’t As Gay When Dealing With Baby Surrogates

Oh this episode is going to be about a murder because neither of the joggers are Rizzoi or Isles. One of the daggers catches the other one and straight up stabs her all brutal like. That was…intense?

Oh there are the ladies. Enjoying a dirt bath. Rizzoli is like twelve with her complaining and her adorable need for food. And Isles is her wise mother.

AND THEN THE STABBED GIRL IS BROUGHT RIGHT PAST THEM. Oh Isles where have you taken Rizzoli? And Isles is like, whelp, she’s dead, but pregnant, time to cut this baby out even though we’re covered in mud and probably not sanitary. And then she delivers the little baby and the investigation of mama’s murder is on. Only I’m distracted by Rizzoli’s hands. Guys they are disgusting. Isles is not distracted by her hands. She’s distracted by the dead mom and sadness so Rizzoli comforts her with her eyes.

Aaaah filthy hands!

And off they go to work where Rizzoli talks to Korsack and her brother and complains about her mom making her GIANT sack lunches. Case stuff happens. Maybe the dead mom was homeless.

That’s boring so they take us over to Rizzoli’s apartment where her mother is painting. Rizzoli is so butch here talking about how she wanted a fort bunk bed as a kid and not a pink canopy because she hates pink. Her mother gets mad and leaves. “I got stretch marks for you!” May all mothers say this to their children.

Is it just me or is this episode super graphic? Isles is now just plowing through some stomach contents. They talk about murder stuff but I’d much rather talk about Isles’s ticking clock. Oh man, is she going to adopt the baby? I hope not. Everyone knows babies are when sexy partner shows jump the shark.

Proof.

Rizzoli and Frost raid the dead mom’s motel room and discover she’s married so they invite her husband down from Canada for an interview and resolve to be good cop and black cop. It’s not racist because Frost said it. The interview goes down but I’m mainly sad that Rizzoli and Isles aren’t interacting more. I come to this show for cuddles and longing looks not for…crime investigations. Those are boring. Oh but we discover something interesting I guess. The baby wasn’t the husband’s and now they need a blood test. Which meeeeans? More Rizzoli and Isles!

Only they talk about the case too. And now we know the dead mother was a surrogate mother. Then Rizzoli cracks a joke about sexy uteri and Frost is all “oh yeah baby you know I like it.” Isles gets worried that they’re communicating without her and starts about how she was adopted. Isles were you jealous of Frost flirting with Rizzoli? You shouldn’t be. It was totally sibling flirting. Which is a thing and not incestuous.

UGH this whole episode is just about investigating murders. I want some beards and cuddles damn it.

Ooh this episode is actually about mother daughter relationships not about cuddles between Rizzoli and Isles or murders. It took me twenty minutes to figure that out. Rizzoli’s mom is having a yard sale at Rizzoli’s only Rizzoli doesn’t have a yard so it’s more a street sale and her mom is taking out all her divorce frustration on Rizzoli, who is cool with it. Some lady tries to buy some golden Buddha bookends for cheap and Rizzoli, spying her stroller, is like “f no lady you’re loaded so cough up the dough.” The lady walks away with her stroller and no golden Buddha bookends and Isles magically appears to tell Rizzoli how much the stroller cost (hint: a lot). Then Rizzoli gets all glowy at the idea of Isles looking into baby stuff.

Glowy.

Then Rizzoli’s mother interrupts baby talk and tries to get Isles to buy this painting of hers, which, guys, looks like a five-year old made it. I really don’t know what the prop department wanted us to take from that particular painting. Isles, being a good girlfriend, goes into flatter mode and insists on paying hundreds of dollars for it and Rizzoli gets all glowy and gooey again.

Glowy, now with more gooey, which isn't as sexual as it sounds.

Frost then shows up rocking some guns because the show’s talk of housewife’s paintings and babies is too estrogeny. He finds what looks like a Mexican knock-off Transformer in one of the boxes and buys it, first from Rizzoli and then from Isles.  Frankie tries to get it back because he loves it but Frost says no.

Noooo Isles got a call and answered her phone and it was work related because her only friend was standing right there. So now Rizzoli and Frost are at a fertility clinic doing murder stuff and talking about having babies. Only Rizzoli doesn’t glow discussing babies with Frost and the clinic stonewalls them.

No glow whatsoever. But there IS a creepy nurse!

Back at the yard sale Isles and Rizzoli’s mom are trying to bond and talk about babies.

Wooooow THAT IS A SAVAGE RIGHT? That has to be a Savage playing one of the biological parents of this baby. Excuse me. TO IMDB. They say no. But I disagree because that guy totally looks like Fred Savage. Only with prosthetics.

Every time someone tells me this isn't Fred Savage I feel like I'm being lied to.

Also non-Savage thought his baby died so Rizzoli and Frost give him the good news. Then they go to the hospital to see the baby but find Rizzoli’s mom clutching a baby to her naked breast. It’s a toss-up who’s more horrified at the sight of maternity. Isles set it all up because it’s a kangaroo hold and those are important for babies. I know this Isles. I saw the episode of Grey’s Anatomy where Karev was topless to save a baby’s life.

Finally there is a touching reunion between baby and parents.

Only Korsack calls because another couple claim to be the parents. But their story is kind of screwy. Not like they’re evil, but like they’ve beens screwed over by an evil adoption agency. Yup it’s totally a baby selling scam. This guy is way better at selling babies then this lady. I mean, $75000 versus a taco and $500? NO CONTEST.

They go to make an arrest but find the con man dead and covered in donated semen and eggs. Grooooooss. So who murdered him? Whoever it is murdered the mom from the teaser. My money is on the pregnant nurse who kept telling Rizzoli and Frost to have biracial babies. But the cops decide to investigate the husband I’d forgotten about. Then Rizzoli’s brother appears with new information. They go do some science stuff and talk about who has it harder donating genetic material (women) and learn that the nurse? TOTALLY THE KILLER AND CRAZY. She was stealing sperm to make her own babies.

And now Isles is trapped in the NICU or whatever with the crazy evil mama murderer who has just killed a nurse. She’s clutching the baby and almost showing off some tatas.

Maternal Isles showing off a little cleavage.

Then Rizzoli comes in and holds the baby instead of SEEING THE DEAD BODY IN FRONT OF HER. Rizzoli stopped being wrapped up in playing house with Isles you’ve got psychos to catch!

Crazy nurse is tired of all these other ladies holding her baby so she locks the doors and busts out a scalpel and Isles, being genius, immediately knows everything that’s happened and steps between the baby and the crazy lady. Rizzoli goes all mama bear and tosses the baby to Isles and draws a gun and gets a little violent with weepy crazy mom.

Back at the dirt bath Rizzoli is all impressed that Isles was ready to protect the baby. They talk some more about maternity and then Isles chunks some clay at Rizzoli.

THE END.

THE END OF SEASON 2, EPISODE 2 : LIVING PROOF or as I like to call it NOT ENOUGH OF THE TITULAR CHARACTERS HANGING OUT.

NEXT WEEK FLEET WEEK.