The Nine Lives of Chloe King Season Finale Changes The Game

Oh no it’s the obligatory “couples in the photo booth” series of shots.

These never end well. I know. I watch tv. This is like the foreshadowing where people get prophecies that say they’ll die. It’s big doin’s. No one agrees with me and instead Amy and Chloe talk about boys and then Alek and Paul show up and Alek looks sultry and Paul fails at flirty gift giving. Alek calls him on it and then they have eye sex. This isn’t Rizzoli & Isles boys!

Jasmine flops down with her creepy faced pretty boy who gets a call about murder and leaves. Then everyone plays carnival games while creepy faced pretty boy talks about killing them. The ONE TIME Chloe’s super hearing and sparkle mind touching don’t kick in? I am scoffing show writers!

The next morning Cat Hat calls to see if Chloe will go with him on a super emotional journey. Dude, don’t choose a high schooler to take on your emotional journeys. It will end terribly. SEEK NEW FRIENDS CAT HAT.

Oh guys, Mai Moomsie is back! And judging from the frigid look she didn’t know Jasmine had a creepy-pretty-faced boytoy. Yoikes! She runs him off with a glare and gets to talking about Chloe. They don’t know about her emotional journey drive up the coast with Cat Hat and Mai Moomsie is all “GOSH JASMINE YOU’RE A FAILURE IN YOUR MOTHER’S EYES.” Only she says it with her face because shouting would be a bit much.  Creepy-pretty-faced boytoy heard everything though and busily texts about it.

And Cat Hat and Chloe are off on their drive! It’s foggy and cool looking and I want to be there instead of in a hundred degree heat in Texas. Sorry I got distracted. Cat Hat asks if he’s being a fool and Chloe and I assume he’s talking about Chloe when he’s really talking about the grandmother he might be meeting that day. YES YOU ARE BEING A FOOL ON BOTH COUNTS I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS.

The show doesn’t either because we cut to Alek and Amy and Paul. Alek, instead of asking Chloe’s mom, asks her friends where she is. They’ve no clue.

Up the coast Cat Hat and Chloe find that no one’s home, so Chloe leaps over the fence and before she can get to snooping Cat Hat’s grandma shows up and they hug it out why Chloe stands around awkwardly and fields cryptic texts from her dad. She also does good text reaction faces. I love how happy and scared she looks seeing her dad has texted her. But a question, how did he get her number?

She sits down and hears about how Cat Hat’s grandma peaced out when her son turned evil. Also she makes eyes at Cat Hat when grandma talks about how his dad deeply loved his mom. That would be sweet but Cat Hat follows it up with saying, “yeah he killed her maybe.” And grandma responds with, “wouldn’t surprise me.” So maybe a parallel between Chloe and Cat Hat and the Cat Hat parentage is a bad idea?

Amy, being smarter than Alek, goes to Chloe’s to find her. It ends with her learning all about Chloe’s dad. BFF is clearly a little cross.

Man, Mai Moomsie, tone it down. She gets up in her daughter’s grill and talks about priorities and obligations. Poor Jasmine. Like Chloe she has a destiny.

Chloe and Cat Hat head out after some hugs and Cat Hat’s grandma acting like Chloe is the best. After they leave she looks all worried. BECAUSE SHE IS EVIL OH MAN I DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING. Grandma is involved with the murdering of Mai but her son doesn’t know. I knew she was too nice! (No I didn’t an ABC Family show pulled one over on me.)

Post drive Chloe gets a call from a slightly surly Alek. As she’s been flat-out lying to everyone I kind of get the surliness on his part. Amy and Paul agree with me. Chloe needs to stop with the half-truths and lies. Now that they’re finally one the same page as her paternity wise she spills about her meeting with her dad that night.

In the dark somewhere creepy-pretty-faced boytoy is getting ready for some Mai murder and looking excited about it.

And Cat Hat confronts his dad about his mother’s murder. It doesn’t go well. His dad kicks him out of the room with a shout and Cat Hat looks weepy and serious and his dad stares at some ring like it’s very important.

The creepy-pretty-faced boytoy shows up at Jasmine’s but sends her to the coffee-house so he can have alone murder time with Mai Moomsie. UH OH.

Chloe’s mom is all set for going out but first insists on a heart to heart with Chloe why talking music plays. The conversation would have more weight if she knew her daughter could kill Cat Hat with a kiss. Chloe confesses to being in love with him and her mom’s like, “whelp, get to it.” Yeah, a very different conversation if she knew about the potential murder by smooches. Definitely.

AND ALEK HEARD EVERYTHING. TWO FOR TWO CHLOE KING. I am shocked but I should have seen it coming. Poor Alek. He’s upset because Chloe is using him as a physical surrogate for the guy she actually likes. He flies out the window just as Chloe gets a text from her dad. Now all emotionally confuzzled Chloe decides to go meet him sans back up like an idiot. Only as she’s leaving Cat Hat shows up wanting to talk about his problems. He insists on giving her a ride. Someone follows them.

Mai Moomsie, being the worst ever, decides to talk about Mai stuff with creepy-pretty-faced boytoy. Oh. I guess he’s a Mai as well? And a traitor. He stabs her in the back with a dart and she goes tumbling down.

Cat Hat drops Chloe off and then sees her run the opposite direction.

Chloe’s mom meets up with her date, CAT HAT’S DAD. If I had been paying better attention I would have seen this coming. BUT I DID NOT. THREE FOR THREE.

So, it was totally Paul and Amy following Chloe. They lose her and then realize where she’s headED and off the go for an interception. As it’s totally a setup to murder Chloe this is a smart thing. She gets there and stupid Cat Hat shows up and is all “WHY ARE YOU HERE?” CAT HAT DON’T STALK HER. LET HER LIVE HER LIFE. SHE IS A CHEETAH. BORN FREE CAT HAT! BORN FREE. He demands to know what is going on and she refuses because she needs to go see her dad who will leave if he sees her with someone (I assume). She tells him to trust her. He agrees but insists he’s coming in in ten minutes if she doesn’t come out. Romantic music plays but all I can think is that’s HELLA clingy dude.

The music fades away as Chloe looks at what is, admittedly, some beautiful architecture.

I called it. It was a trap. Chloe is surrounded by evil dudes. They throw down.

Jasmine gets home and sees dead Mai Moomsie. Not dead, only paralyzed! She warns JasminE with her eyes and Jasmine and creepy-pretty-faced boytoy throw down. Somewhere Alek is sad about being left out of the fights. There are some nice cuts between fights. Jasmine isn’t doing as well as Chloe. Learn her not to be the Uniter.

With the bad guys vanquished Chloe tries to leave. But the evil redhead arrives and shoots Chloe repeatedly. As Chloe has many lives it’s not THAT dramatic. Only Cat Hat heard and comes running in. Elsewhere Jasmine gets stabbed by creepy-pretty-faced boytoy and falls to the ground where she and her mom share a really incredibly sad, dying look.

Cat Hat gets in and finds dead Chloe and freaks out and hugs her and confesses his love. Now he’s going to take credit for her coming back to life. I just know it. They kiss. THAT WON’T GO WELL.

Paul and Amy see the bad lady drive away. Oh they will be on that case soon enough. Reckoning lady with indeterminate hair color!

Chloe’s mom goes for some drive by lovin’ with Cat Hat’s dad.

We learn that Cat Hat’s grandma had the book Chloe’s dad should have had. She burns it.

Alek comes in and sees all the dead Mai. He is not happy. The creepy-pretty-faced boytoy is also his brother. DRAMA.

Things end with Amy and Paul coming in and finding alive Chloe holding dead CatHat.

HOLY SHIT WHY IS EVERY EPISODE NOT LIKE THIS ONE.

END OF THE SEASON FINALE OF THE NINE LIVES OF CHLOE KING SEE YOU NEXT SEASON PEOPLE.

Notes

• Everything about this episode was awesome.
• Especially the way the creepy-pretty-faced boytoy gloated over Mai Moomsie. I’m okay with him as a reoccurring villain.
• This episode surprised me repeatedly and moved at the break neck pace usually employed by shows like The Vampire Diaries. If they can ever find a way to marry that plot pacing with the humor this show regularly uses The Nine Lives of Chloe King could become a really fantastic show.
• Cat Hat is apparently dead but I don’t think he’ll stay dead.
• Though maybe he should. The stalking at the end of the episode was out of control.
• Please don’t let Jasmine be dead. I wanted her character expanded, not put six feet under!
• The fundamental difference between Buffy and Chloe is Chloe is willfully stupid when the truth would be much easier. Buffy rarely relied on the trope. It seriously hurts Chloe here.
• Though, in reflection, maybe the lying is due to Chloe’s need to please everyone? In which case, poor Chloe.