I don’t know what happened, but this entire article should only be read using the voice of a Valley Girl or Lumpy Space Princess. Attempting to read it like a normal person will probably hurt your brain and lead to repeated viewings of Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion.

So I wrote this review that said the women in Deus Ex: Human Revolution were boring and also I talked about how the black people glowed and it creeped me out. And then like, this whole group of the internet hated me because I said the game was the worst and women need to be paragons of awesomness (basically Xena). And it was the worst–the absolute worst. I cried and then overdosed on toffee saltines.

But now, there is this video of this character?

I didn’t see her because I was busy avoiding homeless people in the game because they might mug me. But holy Bush Dodger she basically talked like a southern black woman from a film circa 1935. Only more racist. It has seriously offended my inner person of absolute awareness. And by my inner person of absolute awareness I mean it is really pretty racist and maybe Eidos Montreal should have thought about that and their complete lack of foresight saddens me.

I mean, like, the really bad Zhao “women always underestimate men” face punch joke was really stupid and dumb and a little offensive? But I basically said that it felt like Eidos Montreal was completely unaware of what they were doing and who they might hurt so you couldn’t be too mad. And now there is, like, Stepin Fetchit 2.0 rooting through trash cans. So this is basically two straight up instances of Eidos Montreal not being in tune with their white dude privilege?

I do not appreciate that. It hurts me in my heart. I want to cry. And I do not think I can now so easily absolve them of their ignorant insensibility (is that even a thing? Tell me now).

I want to also chat with Mary DeMarle because she totally designed the whole story. And maybe these white dudes Andrew Farrar and James Swallow because they were super busy writing dialogue and that dialogue is offending various and sundries. And also Swallow–who makes me think of blow jobs in the back of ’88 Mustangs–developed the story for one of my totally favorite episode of Star Trek: Voyager because yes I have those.

Eidos Montreal has basically just become a cautionary tale. If you are not a black or a lady or gay or any other minority that gets hassled because you’re not an adult white male who likes vaginas then you maybe need to stop and think about how your representation of various and sundry minorities and disenfranchised groups might be perceived. Don’t be Michael Bay all shooting slow mo boobies and filling his movies with CYBORG Stepin Fetchits. I mean…you can, dude is rich, but he’s also a d-bag.

Now I have to go. My shoe is filling up with blood.

Source [Escapist, All of the internet]

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