Rizzoli & Isles Set The World A Flame With Their Love When Mobster Birth Daddies Come To Town

Things are pretty real in a horror film kind of a way as a Boston PD employee races away and is kidnapped/murdered.

After the titles Jane is peeved because Maura has forgotten to dress for a run. Then she finds Maura playing chess with Tommy. He’s clearly trying to get with his sister’s girlfriend. Maura is being obtuse and letting Tommy do his thing. I think it’s because she wants Jane jealous.

She is jealous. She drags Maura away to look at a body and then gets yelled at by an older patrolman. I hope he’s secretly the murderer because I think he has a ponytail. Maybe I just want him to have a ponytail.

Also Korsak wants Jane to do sensitivity training. Also the dead lady is actually a dead dock worker.

Now Maura has to go to the dock with Jane because Jane is holding her hostage all vehicular like. I’ve tried that Jane. It ends with tears in a McDonald’s parking lot and blood is everywhere–did Maura just preach a rape apology line? She did! Jerky dudes are biological yo! Jane disagrees. I knew there was a reason I liked you lady. They both still find time to smile despite all the rape apologist ideology coming out of Maura’s mouth.

Oh it’s that kind of episode. Dock workers who AREN’T assholes are probably incensed by this episode because dang these dock workers are assholes. Maura takes the opportunity to call a guy fat in a really smart way. Then the dead lady dock worker’s body is revealed by the low tide. It looks like Maura’s birth dad (a famous mafia hitman don’t you know) is back in town and killing ladies who like to work in horribly sexist environments. Sarah Palin and lady gaming bloggers lock your doors!

Isles feels she’s probably not the best to examine the body because her dad probably murdered the lady. Jane says “whatevs” but Maura is trying to be ethical. She peaces out and a dock manager, Sutton, arrives and asks them to cover the body because he’s queasy. He then says that any mob connections are between the dock workers and the mob, not between the corporate managers and the mob. I really hope he’s involved because he needs a good face punch.

Jane’s face while Korsak does Brando.

The new ME is investigating and Maura hates him but she’s being polite. He’s a jerk. Jane makes Maura assert her bossiness. Maura fails at that. Then she leaves because he badmouth’d her evil birth father.

Jane follows to make her feel better. She talks about sperm. It doesn’t go well because Maura is playing chess with Tommy via IM and it distracts Jane. Then she sees the sensitivity trainer and hides. Maura lies to protect Jane. Korsak arrives and Jane uses sensitivity trainer learned in the field to irritate him.

Aaaand now Jane and Korsak are doing murder investigating stuff. No one wants to see that. I’d rather see more of Jane’s fleeing dance.

Oh man the victim was secretly working at the docks to investigate her father’s accident. I wish she wasn’t dead. She sounds plucky.

Maura’s nemesis, the terrible ME, comes in and rubs the terrible MEness in. Maura is the better medical examiner and leaves. Then arrives magically again to keep his ass out of her chair.

Aaaand now she’s flirting with Jane’s brother. UNACCEPTABLE. Isles’s dad totally agrees as he’s a Jane Rizzoli fan himself and bursts in wounded and armed and seeking medical attention.

If Jane were there she’d high-five him for excellent cockblocking.

Isles helps her dad with his gaping wound while fielding questions about her romantic life. They find time to talk about the dead woman and then he outs himself as Isles’s daddy to Jane’s brother.

Jane WHY IS YOUR ISLES SENSE NOT TINGLING? MORTAL DANGER. She watches the stomach video with Frost. Then the cop I thought had a ponytail shows up. Not the lack of ponytail. He has a battery. He’s surly. I don’t care. Isles is in mortal danger and Rizzoli hasn’t realized it yet.

At Isles’s house Tommy tries to chat with Maura about her dad and they play chess. It is sweet. NO ME GUSTA.

Then the guy with the gun slaps Tommy and Maura yells. I assume she’s concerned because of what it would do to Jane. Not because she likes Tommy. Otherwise I will quietly weep while watching Bound…that made no sense.

Now birth daddy tells Maura cryptic things about her birth mom. Apparently Maura would like her. But tell me: would she like her as much as Jacqueline Bisset? Hmmmmm? Would she?

Down at the docks Korsak defends Jane. She is amused. Then the guy returns for an ass grabby and calls her a lesbian. They arrest him for speaking truths.

And go to another murder scene where Maura’s dad’s BFF is dead on the ground. And now the Rizzoli “Isles radar” is tingling. She’s worried about Maura but she doesn’t say it with anything but her tone. Then the jerky ME shows up and now Jane knows trouble is afoot and is off to save her honeybun. Also the jerky ME doesn’t get white male privilege and Frost clearly wants to punch the lesson into his face.

And at her home Maura’s phone rings and it’s a normal ring but she knows it is Jane. That Rizzoli & Isles psychic shipper bond is finally kicking in.

A ringing phone is enough to make Doyle leave. He tells Maura he’s being framed and leaves her alone with an earnest looking Tommy.

Jane walks in, doesn’t check on her brother and immediately gets all involved in talking with Maura. Then she consoles her with eye sex and back rubs while Tommy shouts. Shut it Tommy. We know the guy is innocent. More Rizzoli and Isles touching please.

At the police station the next day they all agree with Tommy. Doyle may not be the murderer in this case. Then Rizzoli gets in a tug of war with the cop who doesn’t have a ponytail but should. Apparently he’s in love with Rizzoli.

Down in the morgue the ME jerk finally goes too far and sends Maura into a rage. The best!

Back upstairs the guys Korsak and Rizzoli arrested for giggles is now being forced to talk about the murder. He folds like an ironing board…that makes sense in my house.

They use his tips to do more murder investigating. Doyle is almost certainly innocent.

After the break we learn that Rizzoli was being forced into sensitivity training so Korsak could get an extra vacation day. Everything about this exchange delights me. Especially the extra use of the word “moobs.”

Down in the morgue the jerky ME is awed by Maura but fails to realize she’s refusing credit because it will contaminate the evidence. Dolt.

Out on the docks Jane and Korsak find another dead body and a bound up lady. The body is that of one of the jerky sexist dock workers. The lady shows off her bra. Nice color.

Back at the morgue Maura is examining the new dead guy. He was almost definitely killed by her dad so why is she looking at the body? Also the dead guy? Murdered the plucky dead woman.

Using high-tech CSI magic they discover that the plucky woman witnessed the dead guy and the jerky dock manager (called it!) talking. They framed Doyle. So now they have to go save the dock manager from Doyle so he can be arrested. They should just let Doyle go Punisher on his ass. Whatever.

They manage to catch the dock manager (alive) but Doyle gets away.

The episode is coming to a close so let’s get to the Rizzoli and Isles cuddle. Dang it. Instead there are Rizzolis everywhere. They’re like rabbits. But Jane doesn’t care. She lets her rainbow flag fly.

And then Maura’s birth dad calls and reveals he’s BATMAN. AWESOME.

And then Rizzoli and Isles have furious eye sex while talking about love.

And then Rizzoli reveals that she taught Tommy how to play chess and that Maura’s basically admitted to being in love with her brain. Participate in a squeal of glee with me.

Notes

• Doyle–Maura’s dad–is Batman and Punisher combined. So like Daredevil if he could see.
• Korsak’s Brando impression really is the worst.
• Let’s discuss how Maura has admitted she’s in love with Jane Rizzoli’s mind.
• And how Jane basically teased her the entire episode. She’s so confident.
• If you are a dock worker and not sexist how did you feel about this episode?
• The gifs are throughout the recap but here’s a recap of them.