Let’s break things down.

Characters Who Exhibited A Lot of Growth This Season

  • LaFayette. From the token black gay guy who swishes in to say something sassy to one of the best written characters on the show. He’s a mess of contradictions and Nelson Ellis makes them all WORK. One of the few characters in all of television with such a wonderfully consistent voice. A fry cook turned medium who could easily anchor his own show.
  • Jesus. From LaFayette’s eye candy to a living breathing character. He was conflicted about his cultural roots and the dark nature of them. He genuinely cared for others–including batshit crazy Marnie. He was gorgeous. He finally confronted his grandfather. Also he and LaFayette shared a deep and abiding love. Unlike some characters Jesus and LaFayette showed us and told us they were in love and we believed them.
  • Tara. She finally stopped being the victim of every bad thing ever–except for when she was Marnie’s evil henchwoman for an episode. She was smart, sassy and clever. Also she was gay and it only felt a little insulting instead of super insulting.
  • Jason. From deputy and werepanther pa to rape victim to a man conflicted with his feelings for a lady vamp Jason was all over the map. It was terrible how they graphically raped him and then never spoke of it again. It was wonderful how he honestly seemed to have changed from all his experiences in Hotshot. This is a kind of responsible dude and a far cry from the n’er do well of the last three seasons.
  • Marnie. I can’t decide if Fiona Shaw’s performance was campy brilliance or a muddled and unrestrained mess. As a fan of that lady I’m going with the former. Early Marnie mad no sense as a villain, but Shaw slowly gave us three distinct characters. Dumb nerd Marnie, possessed Spanish Marnie, and evil nerd Marnie. The latter two were honest characters with desires and fears and a heckuva mean streak.
  • Debbie Pelt. This isn’t my love of the actress talking. This is my critic heart talking. Debbie Pelt was the most realistic character all season. She’s a fuck up trying to do good. She’s an addict trying to work beyond her addiction. She’s thoroughly believable and I was honestly sad when she started backtracking into crazy V-addict Debbie Pelt. Brit Morgan breathed life into a one not character and made her struggles with addiction compelling rather than tiring.

Characters Who Died

  • Jesus. Dead. He’ll never get to explore his dark side or make brujitas with LaFayette. Also our last shots of him were him looking hella constipated.
  • Tara. Fuck you Alan Ball and company. This character and actress were repeatedly wasted. At least we’ll always have this.
  • Marnie. We knew you were going to die as soon as you were cast. Big bads on True Blood always die–or get buried in layers of concrete. It would have been nice if you stayed dead. I didn’t need the redemption of evil nerd Marnie. Especially after she skewered Jesus.
  • Debbie Pelt. RIP DEBBIE. You were the best and I’m not even joking. Now here’s a music video of Brit Morgan and Natalie Morales (her co-star on The Middleman making out. YOU’RE WELCOME INTERNET.
  • NAN FLANAGAN. I can’t…I don’t even. No words.

Show Creators I am Not pleased with

  • Alan Ball. This season showed tremendous promise. I was thoroughly excited. Then Jason was getting raped and all the fun was getting sucked out of the room and I was ready to go take a nap and watching Lost Girl instead. But the kicker was the finale. The good stuff was all in the first twenty minutes and so rushed that any emotional weight was lost. Then we had to spend forty minutes watching next season get set up. Only it was boring as hell and Scott Foley was there. Shouldn’t he be sucking the fun out of Grey’s Anatomy right now?

Awesome Vampires

  • Pam. She was thoroughly wasted all season and devolved into the angry chick who curses a lot (but she doesn’t smoke so she’s no Heather Mooney), but she got the very best line of the entire season.
  • Jessica. Someone is a little evil now right? Leaving Hoyt just to bone Jason seems a little evil. Wearing that Red Riding Hood outfit and reminding me of that shit film with Amanda Seyfried is the stuff of the Anti-Christ. But dang who am I too judge. She’s awesome and gorgeous and Jessica quietly sobbing while Nan yells at Bill was the best.
  • Nan. All she did was speak truths. Why must she go the way of the dodo?

Dumb Vampires

  • Eric. Fuck that guy.
  • Bill. Him to.

Dumb Humans

  • So let me get this straight. Sookie sees her grandmother for the first time in over a year. Her grandmother has just ripped a spirit out of a body with her BARE INCORPOREAL HANDS. She’s essentially a uber badass now. Sookie is overcome with emotions and begs her to stay. Her reason is because she’s confused. About which hot vampire to bone. SOOKIE THIS IS NOT A REASON TO ASK YOUR GRANDMOTHER TO STAY OUT OF HEAVEN FOR YOU. That was the culmination of needy and irritating and self-absorbed Sookie. I’m done with her. Give me the cool lady I hear about in the books or something I do not care.

    Keep drinking boys.

Overall Feelings

  • If Tara comes back as a badass Buffy surrogate fairy lady I’ll be okay with things. I’m pretty sure that’s the only way she can return.

    Exhibit A: Tara Brains


    Exhibit B: More of Tara on the outside than the inside.

  • If Scott Foley is secretly a brujo I’ll be okay with things.
  • If Andy never carries a storyline by himself again I’ll be okay with things.
  • If all the guys with facial hair reevaluate their ridiculously bad facial hair I’ll be okay with things.
  • If Sookie stops thinking with her vagina I’ll be okay with things.
  • If Eric and Bill go on wild adventures to Peru I WILL BE SO OKAY WITH THINGS. CAN THEY GET KIDNAPPED BY VAMPIRE MILITANTS AND GO NATIVE AND START ROBBING BANKS AND FIGHTING WEREPERUVIAN BIRDS?!

Until next year true believers!