When it comes to flying, I am not okay. It doesn’t matter if I take a pill (more accepting of death’s inevitably, flop sweats) or drink as much Scotch as possible before boarding (more likely to write poetry about death’s inevitability,  also flop sweats) it doesn’t take much to send me over the edge into crazy, crazy, crazy lady land.

Grounded, I’m a bit more laid back. Do you want to bring your garlicky entree onto the bus? That’s cool, garlic is delicious, and I’d rather be hit with that stank than the industrial powered barf that is orange-scented air freshener. You want to sit next to your friend and chat? That’s awesome, because I’m out of podcasts to listen to and your marital problems – while tragic – are fascinating. You want to cut in line ahead of me? I will narrow my eyes at you, but stay silent – clearly you have never heard of priority boarding or manners but I am not alarmed. You want to sit in your significant other’s lap and play a rousing game of tonsil hockey? Gross, but fine. Love is a wonderful thing and also we are not on a plane and I can leave at any time.

If you put any one of these things on plane, there’s a likelihood I’ll be overcome with a rage only an elephant tranquilizer could tame. The rules of the sky are different, we’ve all paid a lot of money to be where we are – fear of flying not factored into the equation – why you wanna stick your feet in my face and be a dick and turn a costly but oftentimes necessary venture into a bucket of awful?

90% of the time, there’s an asshole on your flight, and nothing is done. They might be told to stop being an asshole if the assholery gets really bad, but – and this is said as someone who flies pretty frequently – I have never seen someone get kicked off a plane for something like oh say, kissing.

Leisha Hailey, star of the L-Word, was on a Southwest Flight with her girlfriend and, after complaints were apparently made (this according to Southwest’s ‘initial investigation’) the couple was escorted off the plane.

So this begs the question – were they kicked off the flight for making out excessively or for being gay? It wouldn’t surprise me if Southwest – the “family” airline – was guilty of homophobia at all. It would make me SO much happier to know that this was just a case of Southwest taking a stand and kicking a couple guilty of too much PDA off the plane after several warnings, etcetera, but frankly, with all the shit that happens on flights, I doubt this was a case of a flight attendant taking a stand.

Southwest Airlines: Bargain Seats, Hates Fat People and Gays.

Ah, I hate the smell of homophobia in the morning.

  • Gina Pogol

    Well, I don’t want to see couples of any gender preference slobbering all over each other. I remember sitting with my 14-year-old daughter in a restaurant and the couple in the booth next to us was going at it hot and heavy and we were so uncomfortable we left. On a plane we can’t leave. And just because you are a lesbian doesn’t mean that a request to be polite is discriminatory. A brief kiss is one thing, a “get a room” prolonged slut-fest is not. Southwest should be asking anyone who does this to stop; it would be interesting to see if this has been done with hetero couples too. My guess is that if others complained, the request would have been made and complied with, end of story. The only discrimination here is that possibly the other passengers felt less inhibited about complaining because the two were both women but I bet the airline asks anyone who gets complained about to restrain themselves.

    • I’d be curious to see if you’re right. I’m also not a fan of anyone – regardless of orientation – gettin’ freaky on a plane. I just have a funny feeling that if everyone who made out on a plane was kicked off, we might hear about it a lot more than we do.

      But again – it’s tricky because we don’t have all the details, and Hailey doesn’t make any mention of having been asked to stop – only of being removed from the flight.