GQ: “Kristen Wiig is Funny And We’d Still F*ck Her”

When I read that Kristen Wiig had been named GQ’s – that bastion of gender sensitivity – ‘Bro of the Year’ my brain went, ‘I Can’t Even.’

Before you crack your knuckles and get to defending Wiig, let me clarify – I love Kristen Wiig, I think she’s funny hell, and a very good actor. My brain freeze was caused by the sassy moniker with which she had been branded.

Bro of the Year.

That’s the equivalent of going in for a kiss and getting a punch on the arm. Sure, anyone who punches you in the arm doesn’t, like, hate you but….I Can’t Even. I Can’t Even!

While it’s always nice to be praised, this particular crowning seems just to be feeding a particularly malicious and idiotic (“I Can’t Even”) deeply-rooted belief that women aren’t funny.

I CAN’T EVEN.

I CAN’T, YOU GUYS.

Cruise the internet for longer than a twenty minute period and you’ll find a vast assortment of the living and dead(Belushi, Christopher Hitchens), giving the notion creedence and pawning it off as a joke. “Men need to be funnier,” they may say, “otherwise women would never sleep with us.” I hate to be this person, but, speaking from experience, when you are lady built like Danny Devito with the social skills of Temple Grandin, you’re just as likely as any member of the wiener-having community to drop a funny to see if it elicits any stiffies in pantstown.

To make matters worse, the magazine then has Wiig posing in lingerie. The girl is hot as dong, you guys, smoking. But…do all bros harbor a latent desire to see their number one bro in a matching bra and panty set? If you’re going to objectify a broad, that’s fine GQ; frankly I don’t expect anything different. But at least have the decency to be consistent in your sexist rhetoric. By perpetuating this totally fucked idea that you’ve got to be this weird mixture of sexually available, self-deprecating, funny, nagging, and very much aware of your ladiness, magazine articles like this are responsible for the likes of Whitney Cummings and Chelsea Handler. Of course the naysayers proclaim that there are no funny female comics! You have created a world where they can’t exist!

In a perverse way, I’d rather have had Wiig crowned “Funniest Gal We Know” hell, “Funny And I’d Still Fuck Her” seems to put everything on the line – I say go with that.