Lost Girl Plus Green Fire Farting Fairies Equals Fun Times

After a season of adoptive parent hate and birth parent adoration on Once Upon a Time it is incredibly refreshing to watch Lost Girl. Here Bo and the human of the week (some dude who looks like Chris Penn and will thus be called Chris Penn for the duration of this review) love the parents who stayed and have major issues about the parents that left. In Bo’s case she knows nothing. Who her parents were or why they abandoned her. She just knows the pain of that abandonment. Feels it poignantly. Chris Penn, on the other hand, is fully aware of his lineage but still doesn’t understand the reason for abandonment and it has twisted him.

Into the foray of attractive twenty-somethings with abandonment issues come an overweight will o’ the wisp who defensively farts green fire. Yeah, you read that right. His defense mechanism is unleashing bright green flames, ostensibly from his fat ass. Which, isn’t really that fat. Being an American living in one of the fattest states in the country and thus living in one of the fattest places on earth I know my big people. This will o’ the wisp doesn’t even warrant a second seat on a Southwest flight people.

Though he should probably fly an airline with more leg room.

I’d be confused but this show is from Canada and those Canucks have a tendency to be quaint. I pity the Canadian that comes to Texas and sees real obesity. They’ll probably flee back over the border to the land of poutine and universal healthcare as quickly as possible.

But yeah, this will o’ the wisp has had his treasure stolen by Chris Penn and he uses some serious emotional leverage to get Bo on the case. What kind of emotional leverage you ask? Why he trots out hints that he knows who her parents are! Naturally Bo is all “let’s do this” and heads off to recover treasure and leaves poor Kenzi wondering how they can use knowledge of parental lineage to buy food. Also to put out fart fires.

If Kenzi were a fairy her power would be to make awesome facial expressions while dealing with stupid fairies.

In the course of Bo’s quest she runs into both Tudor Werewolf AND Sexy Wooden Doctor. Both are tender and loving in their expressions of concern but Tudor Werewolf is all up in Bo’s grill while Sexy Wooden Doctor is vocally concerned but giving off this funky body language as though she’s majorly conflicted by Bo. Does she want to bone her? Protect her? Use her for evil purposes? Any and all things could be true with eye sex like that but body language that distant.

This is not the coy eye sex of Rizzoli and Isles. This is a woman banging another woman's brains out with her eyes.

Tudor Werewolf on the other hand. He’s playing for keeps. He clearly wants to get down with some Bo banging and he also wants to help her even though it was EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN last week or something. In his attempt to woo her through concerned huffing and kindness he introduces her to Trick.

Not only is this guy cool enough to give advice to the heads of both fairy factions he also makes mad mint running a bar open to all. Thus proving that tolerance and acceptance can make you a fortune. He asks Bo all about her family and after she leaves he looks around menacingly and basically says upfront he knows exactly who she is and where she’s from. Triiiick, why you got to be potentially dastardly? You’re supposed to be fun and kindly!

So it eventually comes out that Chris Penn is actually the Far Fire’s son and his mother was driven mad because Fart Fire wouldn’t talk to her after they boned. Which, I mean, that’s valid. Imagine being all pregnant and wandering through the forest looking for your baby daddy and the guy refuses to see you and instead shoots green fire out his ass and in your general direction. Who wouldn’t get pissed to the point of madness and eventual death?

Chris Penn and his portly dad realized they’ve had some MASSIVE miscommunication over the last 20-30 years and try to hug it out, but not before watching Bo fight off a headless huntsman daddykins may have hired to murder Chris Penn before he learned he was his son. Bo kills him not once but TWICE. And by Bo I mean Kenzi. Because Bo mainly dodges and looks cool while Kenzi does important things like torching heads while making terrible puns.

Kenzi's fairy power at work people. She's all "fuck this noise." Fwoosh!

With Fart Fire and Chris Penn reunited and alive Fart Fire lays out the info he’s been leveraging against Bo. Is it the secret of her birth? The identity of her parents? No because this is the second episode and as established by all the shenanigans with Chris Penn and his deceased mom this will o’ the wisps is a major asshole. All he can tell Bo is that she was being carried by a fairy midwife who was scared to death.

See? Asshole. Bo nearly got decapitated for that?

Post major information let down Bo does what we’d all do in her position. She bangs a hot person she’s attracted to. Is it Sexy Wooden Doctor? No. That would be fatal to Sexy Wooden Doctor. Instead it is Tudor Werewolf. This is okay because as I learned from Underworld 4 this past week that man has some serious crotch V definition and nice arms.

You can't see his V because then you could see her V and this would all be rated R.

Next week Bo and Kenzi decide that getting paid in shitty thirty year old information is for the birds and instead open a private detective agency so they can get for real money and get a refrigerator so they can stop using a vending machine to store all their delicious treats.