Lost Girl Teases Lady Kisses When Spiders Make People Paranoid
By Alex Cranz
You know what I like? No, you know what I love? Completely platonic sibling relationships without a hint of sexual attraction.
A lot of relationships on TV start that way but then next thing you know Peter and Olivia are in love or everyone wants Sam and Dean to get their incest on and it’s not as awesome.
But this episode of Lost Girl really stressed the sibling bond between Bo and Kenzi. Even when they were trying to murder one another or Bo was getting furious because she thought Kenzi was making out with her eye sex partner they never stopped being friends.
The jealousy Kenzi experienced and the tiffs that fueled their episode long feud were about mundane roommate/bff/sister stuff like keeping things clean and getting more attention than everyone else. And maybe it was just me wanting to see Bo have one relationship not based on her hoohah but that moment towards the end when Kenzi was about to shoot Bo and was magically healed and realized what she’d come close to doing was an emotional gut bomb that worked precisely because they’re friends with no desire for benefits.
But yeah, “What the hell happened?! Guns? Murder? Kenzi/Lauren action? This sounds like the best!”
It was. Things start off with some good-natured sibling arguments. Kenzi is a slob who’s horny for the pizza guy and Bo is her sister from another mister who unilaterally ends the sexy times because she feels Kenzi can do better. THEN she decides to go with Kenzi on a side job because she’s bored.
Kenzi doesn’t really say it but she’s definitely a step away from flinging her Seventeen at Bo’s face and telling her to get out of her life.
The side job is, in fact, a “cleaning” of a house. Because in Canada there are idiots with bad real estate signs who pay slavic mistresses of the spirit world to come in and clean houses where sisters get their double murder on.
While earning cash for her fun interpretive dance Kenzi totally misses out on the evil Fae spider that hops in her bag. Then at home it bites her, and then Bo and then they get itchy and irritable and finally murderous.
Dragged into their sibling rivalry is poor Hale, who kind of gets what he deserves for bad come ons.
But then he maybe he also wins the day for turning “shoo” into “shoe?” I don’t know. He leaves me with confused feelings because he’s normally empathetic and fun and dreamy with the singing but this whole episode he is an absolute douche nozzle. (If you’re a woman “douche nozzle” is a totally acceptable insult as it implies that whatever is being identified as a douche nozzle should be far, far, far away from your vagina. Guys using the term just come off as vaguely misogynistic? WHY YOU APPROPRIATING MY INSULTS DUDES?) I’m not really sure why he was being all lascivious and irritating but it was the only real weak spot of an episode that was about BFFs fightings and Bo’s vagina loves being in hate with each other.
Dyson hates Lauren because he’s centuries old and doesn’t like lesbians. Nah. I’m joshing. He hates Lauren because he doesn’t trust her because she works for the same guy he works for only…she works harder? Dude, you both work for the Ash who I always call the Ass in my head. Seems a little disingenuous to be all “trust me and not her” when you straight up know stuff about Bo and stopped sleeping with her because your other boss, Trick, told you to.
Also he hates her because she had Bo’s house quarantined and if they don’t get the spider killed in time Bo will be burnt to a crisp…valid Sexy Tudor Werewolf. Valid.
Lauren, for her part, hates Dyson because his P got all caught up in Bo’s V and they still like each other and it’s super obvious. Also he seems to just irritate her?
But the pseudo enemies are forced to work together because of their genital feelings for Bo. They find the guy that imported the fae spider and realize the spider’s heard is in his body and that it has to be removed before the spider can be killed. Then there’s a lot of concern from Dyson because he things that our Sexy Wooden Doctor won’t–nope she did. She just tore into a dude’s stomach and ripped the heart out!
Then Dyson is all STAB IT, and we and Lauren are all WE KNOW DYSON and then she stabs it and we get the above beautiful ACTING moment from Kenzi. Then Lauren and Dyson immediately go back to hating each other and after hugging an alive Bo Dyson tries to be all “manly” and stupid and asks her to stop eye sexing up the good doctor.
Bo says no.
So Dyson cuts her off. Sexually. From his wang.
And she and Kenzi hug and are grateful that they don’t love each other “that way.”
Top notch drama and I’m even okay with that spider which existed solely for PLOT PURPOSES and who Lauren was all quietly murmuring “fascinating” about because it has the weirdest biological imperatives ever. She was basically saying “your existence for plot contrivances intrigue me spider.”
P.S. That one old lady ranting at the beginning for no damn reason? X-Philes (puuuun) will remember her as the devil in a really bad second season episode where Mulder and Scully go back to high school.