Johnny Depp: Pants Burglar! Twitter: Demi’s Back! The U.N.: Angelina Jolie Rules You!
- Why is anything that happens on Twitter news? Why? WHY, YOU ALPHANUMERICAL RESTRICTING GOD IN YOUR CANNED SOUP HEAVEN? EXPLAIN IT. But I can’t change the gossip-sphere guys, I can only try to pee at it from atop a mall parking garage, and even then, I mainly just expose and soil myself because I am not biologically equipped to take a kind of “Fuck you I am peeing on this thing,” stance. Demi Moore is back on Twitter. Nicki Minaj is leaving Twitter. [NYDN]
- Sure, it’s awesome that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are engaged. Awesome for them. Maybe awesome for their kids, I don’t know, do kids really care about long church services and people making out? I don’t know. I was really into the concept of making out when I was a kid but if my parents smooched around me I went got a fireman’s high powered hose to make the madness stop. But you know what is awesome for all of us? How Angelina has been named a special envoy for the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees. I guess it’s not really awesome for us. It is mainly awesome for refugees. [E!]
- A woman is suing Johnny Depp for ripping her pants off. Should I…should I sue him for not ripping mine off? I need to go to more Iggy Pop concerts I guess. [TMZ]