Johnny Depp Bought Girl a Horse, To Woo Her, Because He’s Single Now, I Know, Right?
- When I found out yesterday that Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis had split after two kids and fourteen years of dating, I was real bummed about it, so bummed I could not lift fingers to keyboard here and write about it. But then I told some friends of mine who have been dating for a decade, and their response was to high five each other and start chanting “Four more years, four more years,” so I guess…silver lining? That said, today’s revelation that he may be banging Amber Heard (WHO IS YOUNGER THAN ME, SO IT’S COOL TO ADMIT OUR LOVE, MICHAEL KEATON!…sometimes I write secret notes to Michael Keaton in my gossip column? Good lord – is this still the first item? Yeesh! ) is deeply depressing, except for how he bought her a horse, giving me full license TO DO THIS – YOU ARE WELCOME WORLD. [DailyMail]
- Some at the Mondrian in Soho is getting fired – which is the BITCHIEST phrase I have maybe ever written. Some company was hosting a sexy party and the security for said sexy party was all, “We will not protect you and your privacy so much as we will take hilariously awkward photos of your reclining while wearing masks.” Folks, this is why we don massive sex cloaks – not dollar special masks from various discount stores. Ah, times. [NYDN]
- Yesterday the internet exploded because Adam Carolla said women aren’t funny. I’d vehemently disagree, but upon reading his comments I immediately got my period and took to my bed to spray whipped cream in my mouth listen to Chris Isaac and sob for a while because of how many feelings I have. So I guess he’s right. [CNN]