Ashton Kutcher Was Smooching Mila Kunis In Some Bushes

Mr. Darcy is in my bush(es).

1. I was just power-walking through Central Park, minding my own business and bickering with my boyfriend Todd*  about maximum heart rates versus a fat-burning heart rate, when, in a fit of pique, I abruptly turned into a rhododendron bush and stumbled upon…Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis totally making out. I screamed, and screamed, and never stopped screaming, and then Todd called Dick Wolf and the next 46 minutes of my life were lost to a simple, perfect, story-telling formula. [NYDN]
2. Annie Lennox got married! That’s awesome, but basically I am only writing about it because remember how at the Olympics she was on that ominous ghost ship and that ripped guy with the giant wing-sails was all following her and stuff? Also - WHHHHHHHHHHY, WHHHHHHHY, TELLL MEEEEE. [People]
3. All of the printers at the office where I work are totally jammed. People keep being like “Rebecca, all of the printers are jammed,” and I’m all “Oh…” and then I slowly turn back so that I am facing my computer monitor, and I keep facing it until they leave, and thus, I have successfully managed to completely avoid doing anything about it.

* – Todd is fictive.