WHAT IS LOVE – KEATON DON’T HURT ME, DON’T HURT ME, NO MORE! Today is Friday, September 21st in the two thousand and twelfth year of our over-lord Kim Kardashian. It is also known as the day LMFAO* broke up. But because my mom is a children’s librarian, I will call it A Day No Gerbils Would Dance, as a YA homage to Mr. Robert Peck. If you are an adult and do not find that lit-play** amusing, I might also suggest that you should not ask for whom the gerbil dances – he dances for you. [Gawker] Once I went to Governor’s Island with my best friends from back in the day and it was awesome and I got super sunburned (as I usually do when going to Governor’s Island) and we had to walk the long way to get to the ferry back to Manhattan because there was a concert happening. We did not know nor ask who was performing, but generally decided amongst ourselves that it must have been LMFAO because of their notorious desire to party rock and ruin our plans. [My Life] Kanye West was apparently like crying a bunch because now there is a sex tap of him and some brown-haired lady doing sex things. I mean, they don’t smooch, and he wears a condom, and people are being all “She is Kim K’s twin,” but that is not even close to being a thing that is true. I know because I was there and because I was married to that girl. That’s right, I am the reason our marriage was sexless. This only remotely makes sense if you’ve been reading the Kanye sex-tape news items today. Also, Kanye sitting around and crying needs to be a Keanu On A Beach style meme, stat. GET ON IT AMERICA! [NYDN] *Fun fact, these dudes are Barry Gordy’s relations! that makes a lot of sense for reasons. *like clit-play but about books.