Over fifty percent of the population can whip off their top and look in the mirror and see supple breasts. I use the word supple because a lot of people are pretty flat and for this reason alone they can walk around topless or even appear on TV sans shirt and no one will say a word. But those supple breasted individuals can’t. If they’re topless on television it has to be on cable where we pay for boobies. But broadcast networks? Never! Everyone has seen those breasts. Like I said, over 50% of people have them and look in the mirror and can shimmy back and forth and say “Safe Harbor ooonly!” but not even because then Cocoa Puffs or something will be scandalized and refuse to buy advertising because of those bare tatas and the Bathroom Mirror Show will be cancelled.

It’s ridiculous and fifty shades of sexist.

And Good Wife was polite enough to note that during one of the episode’s many tirades over television censorship. I can’t be sure but I think the show that was recently censored for an ice cream fingerbang may have been letting off a little steam with its forty minute ode to hypocrisy in television censorship.

Taking her top off to support breast cancer awareness. I mean, it’s easier than doing one of those stupid walks.

Just maybe.

At least they made their soapbox funny, if a little messy. Alicia spent virtually the entire episode bemused. First when dealing with her case, than when dealing with a state-wide conversation about the birthmark on her husband’s penis and even when dealing with Cary, her new brother from another mother.

These two are too adorable for words as friends.

I missed Cary and his adorable smile, but I don’t know if I needed to see his fractured relationship with his worst dad in the world. It’s probably because he was being played by John Shea and he is perpetually Lois and Clark’s Lex Luthor even when he’s in other stuff. After he smarmily tried to explain how he loved by begging favors of his son I expected him to then pull on a bald cap and cackle evilly about someone’s demise. I don’t know whom’s. Maybe Cary’s. Dude really hates his son and is almost cartoonishly bad at being nice.

But whatever. Cary doesn’t need him. He has that one time he flirted and made out with Cristina Ricci! Also his sister from another mister, Alicia! That’s a friendship that the show has flirted with off and on for four years but both characters are finally at a place where they don’t have to eye one another warily. They can be open and have a drink and watch Bill Maher and opine on how much they’ve both changed. (Kalinda cannot do that. One because she was largely absent from this episode and two because the show has forgotten how to develop her outside of “enigma.”)

While Cary and Alicia bonded (if they boned too I’d probably be okay with that–I’m shameless) and watched F. Abrahms Murray like a hawk Will and Diane tried to protect their company from the trustee and the F. Abrahms Murray. In the process they had me scratching my head. These two are bad at business. After four years of teetering on the edge of bankruptcy they finally fell in this year and instead of figuring out what they did wrong and actively working to avoid having it happen again they square their shoulders, plant a flag on a mound no one cares about to pronounce their innate decency and scheme to keep as many of their toys as possible.

Yes it’s entertaining to watch them send Nathan Lane into a tizzy or truck out David Lee for some of his much missed snark, but they’re just being so…so stupid. Nathan Lane flies out of the room after the cackle over their most recent victory and promises them that all he’s trying to do is save them from themselves. Is he right? Is keeping the law firm afloat and it’s staff employed more valuable than Will and Diane’s ideals? Or are they two iconoclasts trying to change how business in a law firm works. It’s a tug of war between idealism and pragmatism and one between conservatism and change. Only in this case Diane and Will are the conservative ones unwilling to be mutable.

I never thought I’d see the day where I so vehemently disagreed with any of Diane and Will’s self-righteous actions.

Unlike Alicia, whose four-year journey I kept coming back to. She’s gone from near frigid housewife with a barely contained hatred for her husband to a vivacious and savvy lawyer who smiles coyly at her husband and deftly maneuvers a world of cutthroats. She and Cary sit on their twin beds watching TV and Cary notes just how much she’s changed and how those necessary changes have made her more equipped for their world. Then, as if to prove him right, Alicia goes and gets Peter to hire Amanda Peet.

One, yea for more Amanda Peet. She’s a fantastic actress and playing a gutsy if naive whip smart attorney. Two, yea for how the show highlights the joys and follies of nepotism using Amanda Peet. Poor ASA Geneva Pine had to go and watch Peter leap over her head in the hiring of Peet. She could barely conceal her contempt and frustration as yet another white friend of Alicia’s gets a job over her because they know Alicia.

Notes

  • What the hell show was Ricci on anyways? It had the production quality of cable access.
  • Michelle and Robert King as well as Craig Turk were credited with writing the episode. At least one of them felt it necessary to defend the crude female comedians. Putting the conversation in the hands of the young Cary and the older Alicia was masterstroke. Also it meant they got to talk about boobs and penises.
  • Loved Alicia inadvertently reaction to her hotel conversation with Cary and helping Amanda Peet and Cary purposely acting on Alicia’s advice and extending an olive branch to his dumb dad. Also Alicia’s drunken nosiness.
  • Look I’m not some Tumblr nut who insists on “shipping it” but dang, if Cary and Alicia want to have a thing I’d be down with it. Plus they could use Kalinda’s engima shtick to the extreme as she has to wrestle with her feelings for Alicia while everyone assumes she’s wrestling with her feelings for Cary. Also it would mean Alicia has mad game all reeling in the young, hot attorney.
  • Apparently Standards and Practices is opposed to the use of the word “tits” on broadcast television. But bleeping it out so overtly with the open window and the car horns was a delight.
  • The statement about how broadcast television’s biggest censors are the networks themselves is absolutely true and absolutely related to the almighty dollar. And yet they’re STILL more lax than the MPAA. Just look at CBS. They show more cunnilingus in The Good Wife in a season then theatrically released movies do in two years. Also unlike the MPAA, which refuses to rate films criticizing it’s practices, CBS gladly aired this episode which does the exact same thing. Hats off CBS.
  • So what is up with turning Maura Tierney into an off screen predatory lesbian? I have no idea where that’s all headed and it makes me hum nervously.
  • LUTZ IS AN ATTORNEY.
  • The Democrat party affiliate trying to befriend Kalinda was tops.
  • Next Week: Will is back in court with Alicia and they’re going up against the dad from Independence Day and Amanda Peet. Also someone beats up Cary. If it ends with Alicia nursing him back to health or finding him all prostrate I will die.
  • anm

    Before you start calling Tumblr users “nuts” or any variation thereof, you might consider that they also make up a decent chunk of internet users most likely to read your reviews. Food for thought.

    • http://fempop.com/ Alex Cranz

      Maybe nut was too strong a word. But I think we can all agree the hallmark of the Tumblr user is an urge to ship it (and in fact I often do just that).