Rizzoli & Isles Raise A Baby Together Straightly In The Winter Premiere
By Alex Cranz
Sometimes it felt like someone was watching her. Like a spectre haunted her home and work and crept close to her. Especially every time she touched Maura. A quick glance in her best friend’s direction and the spectre was there. Twisting their love into something. Well. Gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! She was okay with the chumminess of Frost and her brother with all their teasing and tender looks and fighting over the same woman and then choosing each other.
Nope Jane wasn’t bothered by it. It just seemed so…easy to twist what she and Maura had. So they slept together in dainty negligee and manly pajamas and then served each other coffee before taking a moment to tend to a baby. Who didn’t do that! And so Jane couldn’t stand people seeing her naked but wasn’t terribly bothered by standing close to Maura in nothing but a half towel.
That could be considered straight. Like those two ladies on the television interacting with each other and raising a child. No not the surgeons in Seattle. The other two. The mayor and the sheriff? Yeah. She and Maura were just like that.
The last few days had been eventful for Jane. First that woman with the shockingly trashy mother left her baby on Maura’s doorstep. Like what? Maura may have been part of the family but she couldn’t have left the baby at Tommy’s? What if Maura hadn’t been home? Or had had a fight with them? WHAT THEN? She would have just been leaving the baby with some random woman!
But Jane and her entire family had been there and after cuddling the baby for a night that felt like three months they then had to lose the baby again. It was sad. It made Jane want a baby of her own that couldn’t be taken away by stereotypical deadbeat moms and their moms. One she could raise with Maura. Because they were best friends. Best friends raise babies together all the time! And they join forces to raise their nephew and teach him how to fence…and possibly bead.
Jane really didn’t want to bead.
She wanted to solve crimes. Not like the murder she had to juggle while dealing with that baby. A guy gets poisoned by a frappucino because a nearly disbarred lawyer convinces him and a scientist to do stuff with meningitis and then people die? From an already fatal disease. At least she got to get naked with her best friend and that weird new morgue attendant with the firm pecs and the friendly demeanor. And she got to learn about hemorrhagic fevers.
And Maura sniffed some vomit.
She wasn’t really sure why she disliked that new morgue attendant. So he and Maura had everything in common and made eyes like she usually made with her. Whatever. He was dating that assistant of Maura’s who apparently was big into nudist colonies. Man, it was the stupid spectre again wasn’t it? That feeling of being in front of an audience and thus having to be jealous of Maura’s guy friends while also really encouraging Maura to be straight and into guys.
Jane sighed. Loudly. Korsak looked up from a photo album he had of his wives. She suspected he kept the photo album so he could keep them all straight. He’d just put in a picture of that new first wife he didn’t even recognize. Now he’d be able to! Jane was going to use the album when he died so she could figure out who was who at his funeral.
She should tell him about her plan. He’d appreciate it.
“Hey Korsak,” she asked. He raised a bushy eyebrow. “You ever feel like you’re being watched by millions of people and that maybe you’re leading on a good portion of them by sort of flirting with your best friend?”
“No,” he responded without even considering the question.
“Does it ever feel like we’re stuck in a show with a discordant writer room that can’t nail down a tone?”
“Are you paying attention to anything I’m saying.”
“You ever wish we had less work and more soap opera stuff going on in our lives?”
He shrugged, “Sometimes. But that’s just because I love watching your wacky antics Jane.”
She shot him the finger and returned to her silent musings. She’d have to ask Maura about it all later when they were snuggled up and playing with her new nephew.
- I don’t even know.
- Like, what is this show? Why do I still watch it?
- This is a recap right. I recapped what’s important. Touching. Because no one watches this for the murders.
- Except my mother. She also watches it for the friendship. She insists they’re not gay. I insist I’ve never seen her try to raise a baby with her bestie before.
- Seriously. This show’s quality drops further every season. There is no drama. It is basically fluff. Fluff wrapped around a murder. I guess that can be fun. For someone. Like my mom.
- Next Week: In a shocking twist a white guy is lynched. What?