How To Make It On The Walking Dead
By Alex Cranz
Do not be the current black man hanging out with the good guys.
Do not be a woman of color. You will say nothing and either disappear or frustrate everyone with your mysterious motivations and apparently bull-headed stupidity.
Do not be friends with Frank Darabont. Your character will be annoying for many many episodes. They may die. Either way everyone will hate you.
Do not be a conventionally attractive white woman. You start out well enough, but then you’ll grow irritating and when you’ve become too insufferable you will die and everyone will still hate you because, man, you were really the worst while your mouth was open and not hungering for brains.
Do not be a little girl.
Do not fuck with Daryl.
Do be friends with Glenn. He has the magic touch and will either charm you into goodliness or sex you up or both.
Do be a white dude. Any white dude. Doesn’t matter. You white? You a dude? You GOT DIS.
Do you have any other tips for surviving AMC’s zombie apocalypse?