Do not be the current black man hanging out with the good guys.

Tyreese run as fast and as far as you can sir.

Do not be a woman of color. You will say nothing and either disappear or frustrate everyone with your mysterious motivations and apparently bull-headed stupidity.

Mrs. Morales set off for Birmingham. Maybe she made it. Jacqui…did not make it. Michonne…is confusing.

Do not be friends with Frank Darabont. Your character will be annoying for many many episodes. They may die. Either way everyone will hate you.

Andrea I worry for your brain meats.

Do not be a conventionally attractive white woman. You start out well enough, but then you’ll grow irritating and when you’ve become too insufferable you will die and everyone will still hate you because, man, you were really the worst while your mouth was open and not hungering for brains.

Seriously Andrea get out of town. You were once Marita Covarrubias. You know a thing or two about disappearing.

Do not be a little girl.

You will die.

Do not fuck with Daryl.

He will kill your face.

Do be friends with Glenn. He has the magic touch and will either charm you into goodliness or sex you up or both.

Though it will cause you to later be threatened with rape by an evil dude and then force you to betray your friends so you can save sweet sweet Glenn. But maybe Glenn outweighs the suckitude that is sexual assault and betrayal?

Do be a white dude. Any white dude. Doesn’t matter. You white? You a dude? You GOT DIS.

Dude gets bit by a zombie, gets his leg chopped off, has no access to doctors or medical stuff or anything. STILL ALIVE. DOIN’ PRETTY OKAY.

Do you have any other tips for surviving AMC’s zombie apocalypse?

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