Anxiety is like you’re stuck on a racetrack and you just have to keep going around and around with no word on when you get to stop. There’s no way off. There’s no pit crew. It’s just you in constant motion but seeing the same sites again and again–forcing yourself to know them so intimately they become almost pointless. It’s inescapable and can become crippling.

Arizona lost her leg four months previously (what is this timeline Grey’s) and it’s all she thinks about. That’s her track. That lost leg and that new leg. Back and forth. Back and forth. It was only when Bailey seduced her back to work that she found relief, but as suggested last night, that’s only at work. At home she still dwells on it and Callie, being wife of the year material after finally coming to terms with it herself, is there for her. She’s in the stands on the track trying to root her on and maybe even guide her off.

But she’s not quite perfect as a cheering section. She’s tells Arizona she’s beautiful and the chemistry builds and they’re both smiling and she leans in and…kisses Arizona on the cheek and turns out the light. She turns and Arizona’s expression falls. You can see the anxiety ramping back up as she thinks her wife is content to tell her she’s beautiful but not actually show her. She turns her back and Callie’s expression falls to. She’s waiting for her wife to come back and not even realizing that she’s the one telling her she can’t. That’s why her big speech near the end of the episode is so great. She still hasn’t realized how guarded physically she’s become but she blows up big and it kind of snaps everything into place for Arizona.

“I still don’t feel super confident but you wanting some fingerblasting will now prompt me to put my shoe on.”

It didn’t cure Arizona. She’s not fixed. She clearly still has some issues to work through, but there’s an end in sight for her. A path to acceptance of her disability.

Bailey, meanwhile, is stuck on a track of her own with her second marriage looming and every doubt a smart and pragmatic woman like Miranda Bailey could have reminding her of how terrible it could all turn. There’s no big speech that can cure Bailey. Callie, in another explosion (man she was just explodin’ all over the place last night!) tells her to run if she’s so scared. Then she can avoid hurt in the long run. The Chief, because he will never just be Webber and is also awesome, tells her she’s being smart to worry a little, but that it’s all okay. Then he shows up at her house with a limo and dressed in a full on tux because he is the best father figure since Giles and don’t fight me on this I’ve spoken.

He’s so paternal I didn’t even have a “you guys should bang” moment and I once shipped Mary Louise Parker and her oldest son on Weeds for half a second.

But Bailey is still full of anxiety and doubts and fear about her wedding. Which isn’t the same as her life as a whole. She’s confident and calm in other areas. So when Adele shows up at the ER coughing up blood she doesn’t hesitate to whip off her wedding gown and help the woman IN HER UNDERWEAR.

She’s all “UNDRESS ME” and then gets to medical proceduring in a SLIP. If she’d been on that mountain she would have strapped Mark to her back, Arizona to her front, put Cristina, Meredith and Derek on leashes and hiked down the mountain in twenty minutes.

This doesn’t bode well to her wedding to Warren. But I think we all saw it coming. He lives in LA and the actor is on another show. More importantly he’s a black man marrying a woman of color who has chosen Callie, Meredith and a blond all dressed in warm colors as her bridesmaids. DID SHE NOT SEE SEASON 3? This is basically the kiss of death. She and Cristina are the same person all choosing medicine over their dreamboats! Although, Warren is 10x better than Burke in that he has never tried to change Bailey, but he also can’t compete with her first love: cutting people open.

Meredith’s “Don’t look at me. I’m just here with fabulous hair.” face. Arizona’s “I put on shoes for this fucking thing and actually bothered to show up so can it.” face. And Callie’s “I need more booze to handle this bad I made” face.

I hope after this no one ever asks Callie and Meredith and a blond to be bridesmaids. They’re basically two for two now in ruining things. Those ruiners.

One of whom is having a baby and facing that same terrible anxiety as Bailey and Arizona. All Meredith can see is the ticking clock of doom hanging like a scythe of her child’s head. The kid is doomed because her uterus is hostile and also she has a tendency to drown, get blowed up, shot at and fall out of planes. I guess it’s pretty natural for her to be a mite anxious huh?

Where Bailey doesn’t cope and just flees, and Arizona stays trapped in her cycle, Meredith, forges her own off ramp by trying to focus on other issues while grasping what’s going on in her uterus. Specifically she bonds with NEVE CAMPBELL, who is Derek’s sassy sister that enjoys busting his balls and ripping Meredith a new one for begging some nerves but not letting her see her niece.

She survived a number of Scream movies and you really want to displease her?

Campbell’s sis is a “normal” person versus the collection of neurosis that is Seattle Grace. She finds their rejection of family kind of weird and their refusal to talk about things stupid. It was kind of like watching my mother find her way onto the show as a character. I won’t lie. It was a delight. Especially the moment when she mentioned Lexie. What a gut punch. And the way Meredith tries to diminish the hurt by calling Lexie a “half” sister. Like that might make her loss better? It was the first time I really felt how profound that loss was to any character on the show and it was an unexpected sledge-hammer in an episode that was largely filled with fun and funny times and romantic entanglements.

For you Crowen lovers because they do good makeouts.

This was early Grey’s. From the way Cristina and Owen finally got on the same page and came together in some door slamming lovin’ to the boy attendings picking up their dates and at least one of them realizing it was awesome. Even Jo, the forced Alex love interest, almost felt right this episode. Especially her own mini-arc of anxiety over getting fired. Everything in the episode actually shared the same theme and the characters seemed to all mesh and intertwine rather than each existing in their own little world.

Notes

  • Should I ever decide to marry I will also collect bridesmaids by saying “when you get there don’t sit down.” And yes when one realizes what is happening and hugs me I too will cringe.
  • Cristina railed at Owen for making a unilateral (if sexy) decision. He somehow didn’t bring up her abortion. Progress people.
  • And then she was emotionally honest with him without provocation. What a huge moment for her.
  • And she still doesn’t know about the McBaby. As Derek notes, maybe the Twisted Sisters are no more.
  • Arizona getting pissed at Jo ratting out Alex. YES. Arizona then calling Alex an idiot. YES. Alex then calling Jo and idiot. YES.
  • Weirdo was kind of background this week but Grumpy and Happy came in for the win in their respective surgeries. Also Grumpy’s crush on Jackson and his captivating eyes.
  • Also her using an eyebrow curler. Jerrika Hinton is fast becoming a national treasure and not just because her last name is my middle name.
  • Also Happy’s shoulders.

Gaius Charles your shoulders are works of art.

  • Kepner is the most anxious one. That girl needs a Xanax, but in a drip feed, forever.
  • Meredith’s face when Callie says she called marriage a dance of death was the best. She was all “your wife is right THERE” while also being all “Bailey’s mom is BEHIND ME” and then Warren appeared and she was all “fleeeeee.”
  • WINTER HIATUS: We have to wait for January to see Arizona and Callie hopefully explore sex and not just fall into bed and Jackson and Grumpy getting their Titanic on in the back of a car and Bailey possibly ending things with Warren and Alex and Jo crying. I hope it is fake crying and then they just hang out. If they made them buddies who find love instead of taking them straight to romance-ville I could get behind them (and watch).
  • Alida

    “If she’d been on that mountain she would have strapped Mark to her back, Arizona to her front, put Cristina, Meredith and Derek on leashes and hiked down the mountain in twenty minutes.” Oh, god, the imagery.

    Meredith’s face when Callie sais she called marriage a dance of death was the best. She was all “your wife is right THERE” while also being all “Bailey’s mom is BEHIND ME” and then Warren appeared and she was all “fleeeeee.” <– All of this.

  • http://twitter.com/ReallyOnlyErin Erin Treat

    Excellent recap again Alex.

    It’s interesting, I have been ambivalent about this show for most of it’s run. I loved Calzona sure and connected with them, but never fully. I hated Mark’s presence in their relationship (not, I must stress, his friendship with Callie, but his constant interjection and meddling in the only good lesbian relationship on TV) and that made me have to qualify my feelings on them constantly.

    This season though has been pretty amazing. A lesbian couple on TV having a relationship that doesn’t thrive on cliches or stereotypes and dealing with things on their own. It’s so unique, I just have to say I’m really impressed.

    Brave too. Especially when you compare it to Rizzoli & Isles’s “La, La La, I can’t hear you!” fingers in the ears response (when they’re not just laughing at or mocking the idea) to any suggestion of the possibility of a sapphic direction to their relationship and the misogynistic, lesbian hating crap that is Glee.

    One other show that’s impressive right now is Lost Girl. Is there any chance you could start recapping that Alex? I think i beats the hell out of Vampire Diaries.

    • http://twitter.com/ReallyOnlyErin Erin Treat

      That last sentence was a serious question Alex. Have you seen Lost Girl and do you have any interest in it?

      • http://fempop.com/ Alex Cranz

        Whoops! I apparently planned my response to this so well I thought I’d already penned it.

        With you on R&I. The queer baiting on that show just gets worse and worse and maaay feature in part of an article later this week. The less said of Glee the better.

        I was/am a big fan of Lost Girl. It’s easily the most accurate portrayal of bisexuality on television. Unfortunately I watched it all first run from Canada so when it re-aired on SyFy and I tried to recap I found myself struggling through some of the…less good episodes.

        I’ll try and recap come the new season, especially as it looks like it’s finally really finding it’s footing as a show. There was a lot wrong with the season 2 finale but the reveal of the season 3 Big Bad was not one of those problems. :D

        • http://twitter.com/ReallyOnlyErin Erin Treat

          Oh I agree! Lost Girl does some things really well that set it apart, but it certainly has it’s share of bad plots and uneven writing. :)