Exactly two people have been cast in Michael Bay’s update of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

LOOK AT THEM. Sweet lord this cast makes Baywatch look hideous. Can they act? Do we care? (Yes Fox can, but she also seems to hate all people so her as April is HILARIOUS).

If you were worried, now that’s not Casey Jones. That is Raphael. As in the surliest turtle and the one most likely to bang April in the original movie (remember that?!). They’ve cast an Adonis to play Raphael.

I know it’s easy to hate Michael Bay. His films are sexist, racist, and in the case of the Transformers franchise, absolutely atrocious filmmaking.

But daaaang guys, he makes a pretty movie. Full of pretty people. And he’s taken Megan Fox back after firing her for calling him a Nazi. Which lends disturbing credence to the rumor that others (Spielberg) insisted she be fired from Transformers.

While I am in no way excited for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie because that’s a franchise best left unmolested in my memories and NEVER revisited I can say I’m curious as hell to see what Bay churns out, and while it will likely offend every sensibility I possess it will also likely be very entertaining with a couple of pints of beer.

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