I’m not sure what is happening, but my boobs are damn near up to my chin today. You’re welcome, sighted universe. [My Life] Sigh. Jessica Simpson’s dad possibly has a 20 year old boyfriend. Which is fine, good for him, I wish I had a 20 year old boyfriend, except Joe Simpson was the guy [...]

Do you like sunscreen and spontaneously erupting into flames? Than has Banana Boat got a deal for you! [Gawker] Dennis Quaid is apparently separating from his wife because when he is sleeping or punching people on Vegas, his penis creeps out of his trousers and explores the venerable coves belonging to other ladies. You’re lucky [...]

  Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson. That is the name of Uma Thurman’s baby. But don’t worry, that’s cool. They are calling her Luna, or Why The Hell Bother If You Aren’t Actually Going To Use Her Whole Name, for short. [People] I actually stayed up late last night to blow-dry my hair so [...]

Stevie Nicks, the witch all yon bitches wanna be like (no but seriously Stevie Nicks where do you buy your scarves?) was chatting about the Minaj Carey feud of 2012 (they are the Hatfields and McCoys of our time, with Kevin Costner starring as both Nicki Minaj AND Mariah Carey. In this scenario, the role [...]

Stacey Dash supports Mitt Romney. In unrelated news, I want to know what virgin blood she drinks to look younger than I do. Is it the kind of virgin blood that can only be afforded by wealthy, fiscally conservative one-time celebrities? [Jezebel] I fell over and chipped one of my front teeth. You can’t tell, [...]

  Nina Dobrev has hairstyles! Oh my gosh, you guys I just got so excited because of how next week? TOTALLY the premiere of the Vampire Diaries on the CW! I am going to drink a gallon of wine and live blog the HELL out of the nonsense. Do you want to come over? [Us] [...]

  I’m a little late on this one, but Anne Hathaway got married. It took me so long because I had to jolt my body into caring. Finally I was all “that…hat…is…ugly…must, report.” So you’re welcome. [USA Today] My landlord decided to redo our bathroom and this morning, I ate a plate of bacon, put [...]

  I have arguably the largest zit of my entire life right under my left eyebrow. Seriously. It is so large that a second one has blossomed upon it – zits and zits on zits, y’all. I tried to pop it and a chorus of demons began screaming. So basically I am becoming Satan’s unicorn. [...]

  As if we needed a reminder, Anjelica Huston continues to be hot, talented, witty, and amazing. She also advocates not “Wasting time pondering things, just go out and do them.” Which is part of why when I get paid on the 15th I’m booking a flight to Austin so I can go check out [...]

  I’m sorry to report that Beyonce is not pregnant. OR IS SHE? Nah but she’s not. That’s what Jay-Z says. So she’s totally not pregnant, if you believe Jay-Z, Sultan of lies. [Us] Fun fact, I kind of adore Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott. I know!* I think they are clever and sweet and [...]