This week begins with Gabrielle demanding to see the best friend she betrayed and we quickly learn that she was a monumentally naive woman and actually thought they’d capture Xena and then just let them leave. You can be mad at her but remember two things–she also thinks her devil baby can be good, and [...]

Woah this music is funky. I feel like I should be looking for some lesbionic vampires. Gabrielle and Xena aren’t doing that. Xena wants food and Gabrielle wants to haggle for no other reason then she can. They part and some ugly dude stares at Gabrielle. She goes to a cart and haggles for an [...]

Some bad dudes move quietly through the foggy darkness. Xena and Gabrielle sneak up behind them. They’re tracking Theodorus, Callisto’s former right hand man. Gabrielle is a little creeped out because it’s to do with Callisto. Xena sends her back to camp and prepares to head off alone. Only her mother appears behind her and [...]

Season 2, Episode 4 Girls Just Wanna Have Fun The thing about lesbian vampires is that they usually suck, and in a very bad way. They gyrate on some dude and then some other dude kills them all. They’re lesbians for guys. Those are not lesbians. And they’re shitty vampires who get killed very easy. [...]

Season 2, Episode 2, Remember Nothing Using the wonder of first season footage and ADR Xena and Gabrielle head off to a temple so Xena can pay respects to her brother—the good one. She lights some candles and prays to the Fates. Gabrielle, being Gabrielle, rolls in and disturbs Xena’s prayer so she can comfort [...]

I won’t lie. This is the best review of Xena yet. Season 1, Episode 12: Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts A bed. A lady sleeping. Her boobs look like the top of two cupcakes. A fellow with a nice sword barges in, presumably to rape Cupcake Boobies. He slaughters quite a few guards. Things speed up. [...]

Season 1, Episode 10 Hooves and Harlots Ladies and gentlemen we are not in Greece anymore. We’re in Amazon country! Gabrielle is back to her farm girl outfit but she’s got a new walking stick. Xena turns on some whoosh sound effects and makes the staff look more awesome than it is. No sooner are [...]

I must stew on the Grey’s Anatomy finale and go see the new Pirates film so I can give you gentle readers a review. In the meanwhile here’s Xena trying to understand words. Season 1, Episode 7: The Titans Xena is way too happy about staring at some goons. She has Gabrielle watch Argo and [...]

Season 1, Episode 5: The Reckoning But really Xena, there is room on that horse. Gabrielle can sit up there. You’re officially a massive jerk for making her walk. She’s in a long skirt and peasant shoes and is complaining about pain. Jerk. But it’s for the best because Gabrielle goes off in search of [...]

    The internet depressed the shite out of me today on account of people being depressed about the lack of kick-ass women action heroes. So REMINDER: XENA EXISTS. Welcome back to the weekly installment of Xena Recaps. When we last saw each other we were in the first season, on episode five. You should [...]