I’m not sure what is happening, but my boobs are damn near up to my chin today. You’re welcome, sighted universe. [My Life] Sigh. Jessica Simpson’s dad possibly has a 20 year old boyfriend. Which is fine, good for him, I wish I had a 20 year old boyfriend, except Joe Simpson was the guy [...]

  Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson. That is the name of Uma Thurman’s baby. But don’t worry, that’s cool. They are calling her Luna, or Why The Hell Bother If You Aren’t Actually Going To Use Her Whole Name, for short. [People] I actually stayed up late last night to blow-dry my hair so [...]

Stacey Dash supports Mitt Romney. In unrelated news, I want to know what virgin blood she drinks to look younger than I do. Is it the kind of virgin blood that can only be afforded by wealthy, fiscally conservative one-time celebrities? [Jezebel] I fell over and chipped one of my front teeth. You can’t tell, [...]

  Nina Dobrev has hairstyles! Oh my gosh, you guys I just got so excited because of how next week? TOTALLY the premiere of the Vampire Diaries on the CW! I am going to drink a gallon of wine and live blog the HELL out of the nonsense. Do you want to come over? [Us] [...]

  I’m a little late on this one, but Anne Hathaway got married. It took me so long because I had to jolt my body into caring. Finally I was all “that…hat…is…ugly…must, report.” So you’re welcome. [USA Today] My landlord decided to redo our bathroom and this morning, I ate a plate of bacon, put [...]

  I have arguably the largest zit of my entire life right under my left eyebrow. Seriously. It is so large that a second one has blossomed upon it – zits and zits on zits, y’all. I tried to pop it and a chorus of demons began screaming. So basically I am becoming Satan’s unicorn. [...]

  As if we needed a reminder, Anjelica Huston continues to be hot, talented, witty, and amazing. She also advocates not “Wasting time pondering things, just go out and do them.” Which is part of why when I get paid on the 15th I’m booking a flight to Austin so I can go check out [...]

  I’m sorry to report that Beyonce is not pregnant. OR IS SHE? Nah but she’s not. That’s what Jay-Z says. So she’s totally not pregnant, if you believe Jay-Z, Sultan of lies. [Us] Fun fact, I kind of adore Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott. I know!* I think they are clever and sweet and [...]

Whatever you guys, I may not be quote unquote hip, groovy, or down with what the kids are into these days, which is admittedly contributing to my elder-person grumpiness, but I think it’s a great pile of loose stool that Karmin was called out as readers’ top female band by Rolling Stone. Here is why [...]

  Beyonce might be pregnant. Or maybe she had a steak. Maybe sweet potato fries, or maybe she drank a fizzy drink. The truth is no one knows. Don’t worry, I’m just sitting here refreshing all of the internet until the truth is known. Also I was her surrogate. Lies? [Digital Spy] Lindsay Lohan was [...]