A recap of the 13th episode of the 4th season of The Vampire Diaries, “Into the Wild.” The Salvatore brothers drug a bunch of people to Canada to look for a cure while Klaus looks sad.

The sun is falling on Mystic Falls, Virginia. It is twilight. Somewhere, Robert Pattinson is climbing a tree, looking not unlike a tubercular Dickensian chimney sweep, displaced to live among the chimps, like Tarzan before.  From high amid its branches, he cracks open a can of condensed milk and begins to lap at it like [...]

The past couple of weeks I had to watch a lot of shows that have felt like work. It is with absolutely no irony that I say SWEET LORD THE VAMPIRE DIARIES WAY TO KICK SHIT UP A NOTCH AND REMIND ME WHY I LIKE TELEVISION. (Or, you know, SLTVDWTKSUANARMWILT – like how the kids [...]

  Nothing makes me feel quiet as lame slash awesome slash a weirdo in the best possible was as sitting and watching the Vampire Diaries by myself. (Sorry my pet cats if you are reading this, but you don’t count – although good on your for figuring out how to use a computer. When I [...]

Just when I think I can’t love the Vampire Diaries anymore  without my heart’s vagina exploding, they rewrite history as we know it and bring back Klaus’s extensions of old, only this time – they are sun-kissed. BEHOLD THEIR SPLENDOR: Sorry. I’m back. I was off touching myself and thinking about the different products I [...]

    Just when I think that the The Vampire Diaries has run out ways to tickle my pickle (overshare?) they go and make Elena train in the woods with Alaric a la a much scrawnier and ganglier Buffy – and then have Damon referentially call her out on it. I may have bolted up [...]

    So it turns out our plucky band of heroes is still in high school after all! Ha ha. I had no idea. Basically I thought they were all in their mid-thirties at this point? Because let’s be real – no one has been to school in roughly eleven years. I kept watching this [...]

    You know what was awesome? THIS EPISODE! This week’s episode of The Vampire Diaries: Sexy Times Edition contained all of my favorite things: Elena with her mouth open being upset, Damon with his hair kind of too long and talking sexy about his naked brother, Stefan (looking puffy of face due to sadness) [...]

I want to get one thing out of the way before we start talking about all that transpired in the tiny town of Mystic Falls, France last night – Klaus’s lips are super red. They are redder than even berries. They are the sort of red that your lips get when you have a cold [...]