I had a moment of pause before walking into The Bourne Legacy. For some reason I read Tony Gilroy and thought Tony Scott and there was a brief moment of terrible nerves. Scott’s final films were kinetic to the visual extreme. The man whose cinematic propensities would inspire a whole generation of filmmakers who would [...]

  News of Tom and Katie’s divorce breaks in the FemPop cyber- headquarters: Rebecca Jane: TOM CRUISE! ALEX! TOM CRUISE! ALEX! TOM CRUISE! ALEEEX! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Alex: ….whaaat? Rebecca Jane: He’s DEAD. Kidding. He’s getting a divorce! Alex: I just nearly died. Also good – now he will come out. Rebecca Jane: Ha ha ha. I [...]

Ugh, well I guess it wasn’t Keith Richards but rather this stupid article that was all ‘Jack White IS TOTALLY PRODUCING THE NEXT ROLLING STONES ALBUM” that actually physically accelerated my heart rate. I may have spontaneously started sweating jogging around my desk pumping my fists. Then I click through and it’s all Keith being [...]

Things I witnessed in Rock of Ages: Tom Cruise pubes. Dude singing into a woman’s bum hole and later her vagina (she was wearing undies) Lady sticking an impossibly long tongue into a dude’s ear. More Tom Cruise pubes. Two men kissing (which prompted some homophobes to loudly gag and run out of the theater [...]

Tom Cruise claims that his daughter, Suri (Child Of Legend), was scared of him when she saw him wearing makeup and nail polish for his role in Rock of Ages. Here is where I could make a very easy joke about how this is probably not true, as he is makeup and polish at home [...]

Tom Cruise has placenta put on his face to keep him young. Placenta is the thing in a lady’s babymaker that feeds the baby. It’s like a human-made pop tart that spews forth from the vagina. You’re welcome. Also remember how in Silence of the Lambs Hannibal peels off that guy’s face and wears it [...]

In 1992 I had been in glasses for two years, thought Mike Tyson had run a rake across a woman’s face and didn’t understand why he’d ever mutilate a woman like that, thought Gone With The Wind and Sound of Music were the same film and was already madly in love with film. I could [...]

I’m watching Tom Cruise crawl around the outside of the tallest building in the world. He’s wedged into the structure of the building and I’m seeing him from the safe vantage point on the inside. Behind him is a gorgeous expanse of desert and glass and a great looming cloud of CGI sand. I know [...]

In the trailer for Sascha Baron Cohen’s new film, The Dictator (not to be confused with the Charlie Chaplin classic The Great Dictator), his tyrant from an obscure country in the Middle East exemplifies everything wrong with assholes having absolute control. It’s funny, dark, and satirical. In one particular scene he’s shown rising from a [...]

Julianne Hough was one of the best things about Craig Brewer’s Footloose remake. Most people already knew she was a fantastic dancer, but Footloose proved she was also a pretty damned good actress. Now she’s attempting the triple threat by sing in Rock of Ages. Up until now all anyone has really known about the [...]